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Today in Rotten History
Jul 2 1881

President James A. Garfield is shot in a train station by Charles Julius Guiteau, a lunatic trying to become ambassador either to Austria or France. Garfield lingers for three months before finally dying.

Jul 2 1937

Attempting to become the first female pilot to circumnavigate the globe in an airplane, Amelia Earhart disappears over the Pacific with her navigator, Fred Noonan.

Jul 2 1942

On page six, the New York Times reports Germany's mass extermination of 700,000 Jews, by use of poison gas.

Jul 2 1947

Mr. and Mrs. Dan Wilmot witness a "large glowing object" zoom across the sky at 400 or 500 miles per hour. The next day, Mac Brazel discovers the wreckage of a flying saucer -- not fragments of an experimental balloon composed of neoprene -- on a remote pasture outside Roswell, New Mexico.

Jul 2 1961

In the tile-covered foyer of his home in Ketchum, Idaho, novelist Ernest Hemingway commits suicide with his favorite shotgun. When the body was later found, "only his chin, mouth, and vestigial scraps of his cheeks were still connected to his body."

Jul 2 1982

UC Berkeley electrical engineering professor Diogenes Angelakos picks up an unattended package in Cory Hall. The pipe bomb hidden inside the parcel explodes, shredding the man's right hand. Coincidentally, Angelakos is present three years later, when the Unabomber claims a second victim in the computer science department, John Hauser.

Jul 2 1982

Vietnam vet Larry Walters climbs aboard an aluminum lawn chair in Southern California, equipped with 42 weather balloons, a CB radio, a parachute, and a pellet gun. During his two-hour voyage from San Pedro to Long Beach, Walters reaches an altitude of 16,000 feet and eventually becomes tangled in some power lines. Walters survives, but receives a $1,500 fine from the FAA.

Jul 2 1990

In Mecca, 1,426 Muslim pilgrims are suffocated and/or crushed to death when panic erupts in an overcrowded pedestrian tunnel. Saudi Arabia opts to bury the victims in a mass grave.

Jul 2 1994

Colombian soccer star Andres Escobar is shot twelve times outside a bar in Bogota, and dies on the spot. Only ten days prior, Escobar had inadvertently scored a goal for the American team in the 1994 World Cup playoffs, resulting in a first-round elimination for Colombia.

Jul 2 1997

The Russian minister of Justice, Valentin Kovalyov, is fired after grainy black-and-white photos of him appear in the tabloid Sovershenno Sekretno. The government official had been secretly filmed in a nightclub sauna with a bevy of young women. No one was wearing clothes.

Jul 2 1998

The eternal flame at the Arc de Triomphe in Paris, which has burned continuously since 1921 to commemorate the dead of World War I, is extinguished by an intoxicated soccer fan with his beer-enriched urine. Mexican national Rodrigo Rafael Ortega is arrested and charged with public drunkenness and offending the dead.

Jul 2 1999

Former U.S. Treasury undersecretary Ron Noble, the man who oversaw his department's inquiry into the Waco siege, is chosen to lead Interpol.


Yesterday in Rotten History
Jul 1

Feast of the Most Precious Blood, celebrating the blood shed during Christ's Passion and reassumed into His body at Resurrection. Yum!

Jul 1 1945

The date proposed by Churchill for the start of WWIII, where U.S. and British forces were to meet Russian forces in Poland with a two pronged attack, using 47 divisions. It would have been a terrible mistake to attempt what both Napoleon and Adolf Hitler failed to accomplish.

Jul 1 1946

Atomic Bomb testing begins, using the Nagasaki-type implosion bomb, at Bikini Atoll.

Jul 1 1951

Mary Reeser spontaneously combusts in St. Petersburg, Florida, after taking a couple of sleeping pills and settling down with a lit cigarette.

Jul 1 1991

Michael Landon, star of I Was a Teenage Werewolf, dies of pancreatic cancer just three months after its initial diagnosis.

Jul 1 1993

Gian Luigi Ferri steps into the San Francisco law offices of Pettit & Martin at 101 California Street with two full-auto TEC-DC9s and a .45 semiauto pistol. In the span of four minutes, Ferri kills 8 and wounds 6 others before blowing his brains out. Almost as quickly, the victims' families file suit against Intratec, the manufacturer of the TEC-9, as well as the owner of the Las Vegas pawn shop where he bought one of them.

Jul 1 1996

The body of Margeaux Hemingway is found in her Santa Monica, California apartment after the actress apparently overdosed on Phenobarbital.


Wait there's more
Jun 30 1520

After looting Tenochtitlan, Spaniards are attacked by an angry Aztec mob. Tied down by armor and treasure, they are no match for the natives and nearly half of Cortes' men lose their lives.

Jun 30 1837

England outlaws the use of the pillory. Too bad.

Jun 30 1882

Charles Guiteau, the assassin of President Garfield, is hanged. Tickets for the event went for as much as $300.

Jun 30 1908

A huge airburst explodes over Podkamennaya Tunguska, Siberia, at 7:30 am. The blast flattens thousands of square miles of trees, and is now believed to have been caused by an asteroid or comet impact.

Jun 30 1934

Acting on behalf of the Fuhrer, SS troops around Germany arrest hundreds of loyal SA stormtroopers under the charge of treason in order to eliminate the group. One squad descends on a Bavarian resort, where it interrupts a contingent of SA men engaged in homosexual festivities. Lieutenant Edmund Heines is caught in bed with a teenage boy, and shot to death on the spot. The rest are taken into custody. The event will come to be known as The Night of the Long Knives.

Jun 30 1999

Two members of the Old Order Amish, Abner Stoltzfus and Abner Stoltzfus, are sentenced to one year in prison for trafficking cocaine to other Amish folk in Lancaster County, Pennsylvania. The men had scored their drugs from a Philadelphia motorcycle gang.


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Dr. Sputnik's Society Pages

2-Jul-2009 · Alaska Governor Sarah Palin is definitely running ... Steve Jobs is back at work at Apple ... Michael Jackson patented a gadget to perform dance magic, and a ride from Neverland lives on at Coney Island ... Osama bin Laden visits America (in 1979) ... Salman Khan not so supportive to Katrina Kaif ...

1-Jul-2009 · Diane Keaton is rushed to hospital after sumo wrestling mishap ... Fans of Michael Jackson shouldn't commit suicide, says Jesse Jackson ... Dangerous drug found in Jackson's home, and strange questions emerge about his children, finances ... Hayden Panettiere drops towel in new film ... Israeli Navy seizes ferry full of activists including former Congresswoman Cynthia McKinney ... Harvey Milk gets a streetcar in San Francisco ... Elaine Stritch is sued over Broadway show ... Jeff Goldblum insists he's not dead ... He's good enough, he's smart enough, and he's Senator-elect Al Franken (D-Minnesota) ...

30-Jun-2009 · Italian Prime Minister Silvio Berlusconi could face questions in sex and drugs inquiry ... Michelle Pfeiffer and Kathy Bates call for legalized prostitution ... President Obama's doctor knocks ObamaCare health care proposal ... Bollywood pays tribute to Michael Jackson ... Tennessee prosecutes semi-perv for Photoshopping girls' heads onto nude women's bodies ... Jerry Lewis is set to direct Broadway adaptation of The Nutty Professor ... Applause greets 150 year sentence for Bernard L. Madoff ... First of six public charging stations for electric cars opens in Madison, WI ...

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On Security

"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
Benjamin Franklin

"Never has our ability to shield our affairs from prying eyes been at such a low ebb. The availability and use of secure encryption may offer an opportunity to reclaim some portion of the privacy we have lost. Government efforts to control encryption thus may well implicate not only the First Amendment rights of cryptographers intent on pushing the boundaries of their science, but also the constitutional rights of each of us as potential recipients of encryption's bounty."
US Appeals Court Judge Betty Fletcher

"The VCR is to the American film producer and the American public as the Boston Strangler is to the woman alone."
Jack Valenti, MPAA

"If you want total security, go to prison. There you're fed, clothed, given medical care and so on. The only thing lacking is freedom."
Dwight Eisenhower

"A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere."
Groucho Marx

"WHO CARES ONE WAY OR ANOTHER IF THE GOVERNMENT SHOT MARTIN LUTHER KING? THE POINT IS I'M HUNGRY."
Spigot, Jerkcity

"I'm a bad motherfucker
don't you know
And I'll crawl over fifty good pussies
just to get one fat boy's asshole"
Stagger Lee, Nick Cave


Accolades


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Wednesday July 01, 2009

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Also: Visit the Rotten Store

Baby Snakes On A Plane
ABC TV affiliates | Submitted by: gargoyle1
"A US Airways passenger who stripped naked on a flight from North Carolina to Los Angeles caused a diversion in more than one way... The 50-year-old man was restrained by two off-duty law enforcement officers, who happened to be onboard. He was taken into custody by airport police, who called the FBI. The FBI may decide to transport him to an FBI facility. He will likely be taken to a local detention center in the meantime." [With photo]

Read article...

Comments (29)

Michael Jackson To Be Plastinated
The Local DE | Submitted by: whatsnew74
Maaaaaaaybe: "Controversial Body Worlds creator Gunther von Hagens plans to preserve the late Michael Jackson's body in a dancing pose for display using his plastination process... Von Hagens promised the late 50-year-old’s family that his body would be preserved through plastination for "a didactic eternity," and would be conducted free of charge. "The pose would be a dancing one, to be determined by the family in detail," he added."

Read article...

Comments (49)

Tiny Fetal Skeletons Modelled In Marzipan
Daily Mail | Submitted by: Heronyomous_Coathanger
"Brazilian student Jorge Lopes has pioneered the conversion of data from ultrasound and MRI scans into life-size plaster models of living embryos using a method called rapid prototyping... Dr Lopes also modelled conjoined twins and separated twins from a CT scan and MRI."

Read article...

Comments (17)

Ant Megacolony Conquers Earth
BBC News | Submitted by: HIGH-menoptera
"Argentine ants living in vast numbers across Europe, the US and Japan belong to the same interrelated colony, and will refuse to fight one another... In Europe, one vast colony of Argentine ants is thought to stretch for 6,000km along the Mediterranean coast, while another in the US, known as the 'Californian large', extends over 900km along the coast of California. A third huge colony exists on the west coast of Japan... Researchers found that Argentine ants living in Europe, Japan and California shared a strikingly similar chemical profile of hydrocarbons on their cuticles."

Read article...

Comments (19)

Kids! Enjoy The Great Taste Of Goat
South Florida Sun-Sentinel | Submitted by: mjerksz
"Goat meat is probably the most consumed meat worldwide, said Helen Hill, president of the Florida Meat Goat Association... The most convenient way to find goat meat is to buy animals from someone who raises them and arrange to have the goats harvested at a slaughterhouse, Hill said. People can buy a goat and take it to a slaughterhouse approved by the USDA."

Read article...

Comments (36)

Blessed Are The Peacekeepers
BBC | Submitted by: HailePubelasi
"Ethiopian police have shot and killed two people who were helping to build a Christian church at a site which is also claimed by Muslims, officials say... Information Minister Bereket Simon told reporters that the Christians had "stormed the place" and tried to continue building the church "unlawfully". "Unfortunately three lives have been claimed. Two of them were killed by bullets, one of them fell off a cliff."

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Comments (17)

In The Shadow Of Army Burn Pits
Army Times | Submitted by: cops suck fat dicks
"Adams, who joined the Army in 2005, served at Camp Speicher in Tikrit, Iraq, from July 2006 to October 2007, where he lived downwind of a burn pit used to eliminate the base’s waste... "At night, it was like stepping into a sewer,” he said. "There was a giant black cloud." In a memo dated Dec. 20, 2006, Air Force Lt. Col. Darrin Curtis, former bioenvironmental flight commander for Joint Base Balad, Iraq, which at one time burned 250 tons of trash a day, cited sulfur dioxide as a byproduct of the burn pit."

Read article...

Comments (28)

Toddler Choked By Unlicensed Python
WFTV-TV 9 Orlando | Submitted by: scarred 4 life
"A 2-year-old girl was found dead Wednesday morning in a Sumter County home after being strangled by a 12-foot pet python... Some owners have freed pythons into the wild and a population of them has taken hold in the Everglades. One killed an alligator and then exploded when it tried to eat it. Scientists also speculate a bevy of Burmese pythons escaped in 1992 from pet shops battered by Hurricane Andrew and have been reproducing since."

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Comments (28)

Faith-Healing Trial Opens In Oregon City
Oregon Live | Submitted by: anonymous
"The Worthingtons, members of an Oregon City church that believes in spiritual healing, are charged with criminal neglect and second-degree manslaughter. Their daughter died at home March 2, 2008, of pneumonia and a blood infection... The Worthington case will be the first time anyone in Oregon has been prosecuted under a 1999 law passed in response to an extraordinary number of child deaths involving their church, the Followers of Christ. The law eliminated religion as a defense in most cases of medical neglect.

Read article...

Comments (29)

Paraplegic Walks Again! Beats Family
CBS 13 | Submitted by: toilet snake
"A motorcycle accident almost killed David 21 years ago. At the time he might have wished he was dead. "I asked my doctor, 'Sir what happened? I can't feel my legs'," said David. Ever since, David's been relying on his wheelchair to get around. Then the spider bite. A Brown Recluse sent him to the hospital, then to rehab for eight months." [Read to the end for the exciting conclusion!]

Read article...

Comments (419)

Tuesday June 30, 2009

Burglar Shitbeat By Pugilist Pensioner
Daily Mail | Submitted by: Veggie
"A knife-wielding burglar had a shock when he attacked a pensioner in his home - and discovered his victim was a retired boxer... "I did not knock him out, but he was stunned. I heard the knife drop. We grappled"... Photographs of the defendant showed what looked like a car accident and photos of the scene looked more like a murder scene.” [With photo of split lip]

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Comments (29)

Inebriate Performs DIY Bris
London Telegraph | Submitted by: SnipperPubes
"This is something we would advise men never to attempt," a medic said, "The results can be quite horrific and long-lasting and have quite an effect on a man's sexual performance. Using a pair of nail clippers must have caused excruciating pain, even if he had had a few drinks beforehand."

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Comments (19)

Shiftless Pastor Shears His Flock
WTHI TV | Submitted by: General Lee's horse's balls
The pastor and his three sons allegedly ran a multi-million dollar, faith-based affinity fraud for at least five years that duped thousands of investors into buying bonds that raised at least $120 million... "Reeves and his sons took investors money in the name of God and they thought they were building churches with that money," he said. "Instead they were buying Porsches, they were buying airplanes, building fancy houses and swimming pools. This will not be tolerated in Sullivan County."

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Comments (31)

Summer School Shooting Targets Remedials
WDIV-TV 4 Detroit | Submitted by: gargoyle1
"Seven people were shot Tuesday afternoon at a bus stop on Detroit’s West side. Five of the victims were students from Cody Ninth Grade Academy and had just been let out of summer school. The shooting happened about a block away from the school... Two gunmen, possibly three, emerged from the green minivan and "asked for a person by name" before they "opened fire at the crowd."

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Comments (24)

Cops Foil Choose Your Reward Program
Daily Breeze | Submitted by: Bo Raxo aka El Bo
"Dempkey, calling himself "Anthony," called the girl and told her he found the dog... "At first I was, OK, someone's found my dog," the girl said. "But then when he asked for money and when he said if I didn't have money he wanted something else, I got scared. He asked for sex." He also threatened to torture the dog if she didn't give in to his demands... He told her to meet her at the El Pollo Loco restaurant on Hawthorne Boulevard. She called her father."

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Comments (21)

Who's Been Pissing In My Laundry
Sheboygan Press | Submitted by: cyran0
"The woman, now 62, first discovered several items in her clothes hamper were soaked with urine and her underwear drawer had been gone through. In September 2007 the woman called police twice after finding urine-soaked clothes one day and the next day discovering footprints in her freshly vacuumed shag carpeting... Schultz later admitted he had entered the home by prying open bedroom windows, then found a key inside and had a copy made. When the woman changed the locks, he forced his way in and again found a key to copy."

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Comments (19)

The Polite Punk'd of Thailand
Global Post | Submitted by: Yak
"Saranae, a Bangkok prank comedy trio, swept an unknowing Thai actor into what appeared to be a junky cab. It was, in fact, a high-octane car driven by a stunt driver in disguise. After punching the meter, the driver blasted off on a pants-soiling joyride involving wheelies, roadside bombs and a head-on collision with a noodle stall."

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Comments (9)

Flimsy Blouse Cannot Restrain Rodent
KUSA-TV 9 Denver | Submitted by: gargoyle1
"Last Friday, Warren, Ohio, police detective W. Mackey was questioning a witness on a murder case and at one point in the conversation she bent over and out came a baby squirrel. As you can see in the video listed to the right, the woman did not seem to be fazed at all and put the squirrel back inside her top and kept talking to the detective... Detective Mackey was at a loss for words after this happened."

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Comments (28)

Rhode Island's Unharrowable Indoor Lovecraft
Providence Journal | Submitted by: ronin thugzzz
"To understand how Rhode Island became the only state in America to decriminalize prostitution, you have to go back to the mid-1970s, when a powerful politician and devout Roman Catholic named Matty Smith helped advance the cause of a former prostitute named Margo St. James. In 1980. St. James played a role in Rhode Island’s decriminalization of prostitution. “We tried Massachusetts. California. Hawaii. Florida,” she recalls. “Most of them didn’t get anywhere.”

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Comments (8)

Intramural Recidivism In Kalamazoo
Herald Sun | Submitted by: cunninlinguist's aching piles
"In attempting to steal the computer from the Kalamazoo County jail where he was already imprisoned, the 25-year-old managed to add another six months to his sentence. Kalamazoo County Circuit Judge Gary Giguere Jr said it was "the dumbest crime I've heard today. It may be in the top half-dozen in my career," he said. Bradley admitted: "I'm not the best criminal."

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Comments (328)

Monday June 29, 2009

Race Riot Explodes At Toy Factory
Australian Broadcasting | Submitted by: JJ
"A brawl at a toy factory in China has ended with the deaths of two people and a further 60 hospitalised after a dispute flared between workers of different ethnic backgrounds in the Muslim Xinjiang region. More than 400 police were called to break it up... It was not clear what triggered the dispute, but the two dead were both members of China's Uighur minority, the South China Morning Post reported, adding that 81 of the injured were also Uighurs."

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Comments (31)

Armed Paraplegic Used For Target Practice
New Zealand Herald | Submitted by: Aaron
"Mr Kane said shotgun and a high-calibre firearm were used by Sime, who fired a "large number" of shots in the area. His 39-year-old neighbour was "peppered with pellets from the shoulder to the groin"... Police earlier said Sime was thought to have shot "in excess of 100 rounds of both shotgun and 308 into houses in the cul-de-sac where he lives" before being fatally shot."

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Comments (22)

Plastic Shredder Regurgitates Migrant
Safety and Health Practitioner | Submitted by: Speedy Gonzales
"As he was removing the strings from one of the bales he lost his balance, and fell off the edge of the conveyor, landing feet-first in the shredder. Miraculously he managed to pull himself out of the shredder but had sustained deep lacerations to his feet, legs, hips and hands. He required multiple skin grafts and was unable to return to work for four months. Subsequently, the HSE has lost contact with him and it is believed he has returned to his home country, and it is unknown if he is still suffering from his injuries."

Read article... and This article...

Comments (20)

Jacko's Autopsy Turvy Wacko
Sun | Submitted by: PictureofDorianPubes
"The King of Pop's once handsome face bore a network of plastic surgery scars, while the bridge to his nose had vanished and its right side had partially collapsed.. He was skin and bone, his hair had fallen out and had been eating nothing but pills when he died. Injection marks all over his body and the disfigurement caused by years of plastic surgery show he’d been in terminal decline for years."

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Comments (69)

Blowtorch Torturer Rescues Bunnies
Canoe | Submitted by: Fort McMurray Salad Tosser
"Then I stepped back from her body, lit a book of matches, and threw it at her. I could feel the heat of the fire. I could smell the flesh burning... I stay a few seconds and say a prayer to set her soul free," he said. Suddenly, he said, he realized he forgot to get the kids' three pet rabbits out of their bedrooms!"

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Comments (20)

Chinese Govt Outlaws Gold Farming
Information Week | Submitted by: rejerkitated
"The ruling is likely to affect many of the more than 300 million Internet users in China, as well as those in other countries involved in virtual currency trading. In the context of online role playing games like World of Warcraft, virtual currency trading is often called gold farming... The trading of virtual currency for real cash employs hundreds of thousands of people worldwide and generates between $200 million and $1 billion annually. Between 80% and 85% of gold farmers are based in China."

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Comments (27)

Fake Parents Shoot Up Fake Daycare
New York Daily News | Submitted by: Midnight Rambler
"Armed bandits targeted a Brooklyn day care center where the owners ran a drug den in the basement, with a 10-pound marijuana stash and more than $100,000 in cash... About a dozen children, ages 1 to 10, were napping inside the Special Moments Day Care Center on Friday when the robbers -- posing as parents -- entered the facility... Police initially believed the robbers intended to steal the daycare's payroll until Nugent squealed on the drug operation."

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Comments (14)

Bravehearts Fought In Horse Piss Shirts
London Telegraph | Submitted by: WeePubes
"The yellow war shirt is never shown in any film or popular image and yet it is something that all the original writers comment on... Highlanders wore the tunics throughout the Middle Ages and right up until the end of the 16th Century, he said. Because saffron was expensive, poor clansmen dyed the linen with horse urine or bark and crushed leaves to get the rich yellow colour... The tartan kilt as we know it today is part of a romantic and more modern imagining of Scotland's past."

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Comments (25)

Former Mayor Arrested For Nude Campout
Atlanta Journal-Constitution | Submitted by: Reid Fleming
"Walls and a deputy sheriff went to the campsite Saturday evening after a complaint of a man walking naked in Earls Ford Road, according to the report. Musselwhite appeared to be intoxicated, and several alcoholic beverages were at the campsite, Walls said... Musselwhite then asked why he was being visited. "I said the complainant had specifically said his campsite, and the fact that he was still nude made me think it was him."

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Comments (18)

Nimby Assaulted By Backyard Shitter
Connecticut Post | Submitted by: Winston Tastesgood III
"A Harral Avenue man who objected to a person defecating on his lawn was assaulted with a milk crate Saturday night... The incident began when Ramirez saw a man enter his property through a gate, unbuckle his pants and squat on his lawn. The man, later by police identified as Venegas, allegedly picked up a black milk crate and threw it at Ramirez after being ordered off the property, the victim told police."

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Comments (20)

SF Pride's Flaming Pink Triangle
KTVU | Submitted by: mjerksz
"San Francisco fire officials said Monday that the burning Sunday of a large fabric triangle, spread on the Twin Peaks hillside during the city's gay pride celebration each year, was arson... The early morning fire, reported at about 5 a.m. near Christmas Tree Point Road, burned about 25 to 30 feet of the massive Pink Triangle before being extinguished about a half-hour later."

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Comments (33)

French Museums Return Maori Mummy Heads
Herald-Sun | Submitted by: dickless joe
"The French Government says it supports the return of more than a dozen mummified Maori heads to New Zealand, as lawmakers vote to hand back the remnants of a "barbaric trade" in human bodies... "In what began as a ritual, a sign of respect from tribe and family towards the dead, these mummified heads led to a particularly barbaric trade, fuelled by the sinister curiosity of travellers and European collectors... Supporters of the French bill say the heads fuelled a "barbaric trade" that saw slaves decapitated and tattooed in the style of war chiefs to satisfy the whims of European collectors."

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Comments (385)

Friday June 26, 2009

Hungry Hooker Paid In Fritos
The Smoking Gun | Submitted by: Jethro Bodine
"The Oklahoma woman, 36, copped a plea last week to a prostitution charge for accepting a box of Frito-Lay chips in exchange for oral sex. According to the police report, Johnson told cops that he informed Smith that he did not have any money, but that she "agreed to give him a 'blow job' meaning oral sex, for a box of chips." Johnson, a Frito-Lay employee, provided Smith with a case of chips he valued at $30."

Read article...

Comments (91)

Whales Become Fast Food For Seagulls
BBC | Submitted by: Mayor Hagar
"Seagulls have learned to feed on whales by landing on their backs and just pecking away at the skin and blubber -- something never seen in any other part of the world... "You see big open sores, which we thought were pock marks of infection. Some are half a metre across and the edges look like thousands of bites." [With picture of what meal on the run looks like]

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Comments (25)

Croutons Distract From Death Dive
Daily Mail | Submitted by: NuttyPubes
"A teenage tourist has leapt to her death from the Eiffel Tower in Paris and crashed onto the roof of a packed restaurant 180ft below... A waiter said after the tragedy on Thursday afternoon: "It was a shocking moment. The smashing noise was like a bomb going off as the roof cracked, then everyone there very quickly realised what had happened. But the most bizarre thing was, most of the customers just carried on eating. I have no idea why they did that."

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Sex Slave Kept In Cupboard
Daily Mail | Submitted by: CubbyPubes
"When Cairnes carried out the sickening acts, he bound and gagged her, tied her to a chair and locked her in a dark cupboard. He warned the youngster to keep the abuse a secret, and told her he planned to use her as his sexual plaything for years... The girl finally confided in teachers after months of attacks, but Cairnes denied doing anything wrong and maintained his innocence."

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Sweden: Our Sinkholes Are Fecal
The Local SE | Submitted by: WinnieThePube
"Thomas Sundberg and his dog Rex were walking near the Kramfors-Sollefteå airport last week when Sundberg felt the ground give way beneath him... Seconds later, man and dog found themselves nearly submerged in a hole filled with excrement... The hole was actually a sludge lagoon maintained by Kramfors municipality to store and dry sewage from a number of wells."

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Garbagemen Pilot Bum Crusher
London Telegraph | Submitted by: SquishyPubes
"Mr Lehman had been drinking white grain spirit, vodka and beer with friends when he went to the bin to try to retrieve boxes to make his bed for the night... But before dawn the binmen came and he was thrown into two-ton jaws of the machine. "I cried out in pain but no-one could hear me," he said. "Pretty soon I was helpless with pain, doubled over. I could hear the bones cracking like twigs... pop, pop, pop, one after another."

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Would-Be Arsonist Forgets Key Ingredient
New York Post | Submitted by: Lord Kitakowski 1st.
"Esther entered the sprawling, $3.2 million Hewlett Bay Park home of real-estate honcho Itzhak Hershko through an unlocked glass door at 4:30 a.m. Wednesday. She quietly emptied a bottle of Kingsford charcoal lighter fluid into his 5-month-old daughter's crib and onto the floor of his ground-floor bedroom, where he was sleeping with the girl's mother... then calmly walked outside, possibly to retrieve more lighter fluid and matches or a lighter. The couple had been warring over finances and custody of their three children for years, cops said."

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Mom's Taser Used Against Her
Treasure Coast Newspapers | Submitted by: TCPalm.com
"A man accused of assaulting his mother earlier this month with a three-foot-long sword has now been arrested again -- this time accused of shocking her with a stun gun and kicking her while she was down, police said... The mother, who has arthritis and fibromyalgia, said Beider got the Taser from her and shocked her in the left elbow. The mother reportedly fell to the ground and Beider kicked her in the arms, legs and abdomen, the report said. He also struck her in the head and twisted her left wrist, the report said."

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An Old Fashioned Witch Burning
BBC | Submitted by: MatthewPubekins
"Villagers, many straight from their farms, and armed with machetes, sticks and axes, are shouting and crowding round in a big group in Kenya's fertile Kisii district. I can't see clearly what is going on, but heavy smoke is rising from the ground and a horrible stench fills the air... Suddenly an old woman breaks from the crowd, screaming for mercy. Three or four people go after her, beat her and drag her back, pushing her onto -- what I can now see -- is a raging fire."

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Thursday June 25, 2009

Michael Jackson Dead
Los Angeles Times, TMZ | Submitted by: king cholo
"Pop star Michael Jackson was pronounced dead by doctors this afternoon after arriving at a hospital in a deep coma, city and law enforcement sources told The Times.... A source tells us Jackson was dead when paramedics arrived. A cardiologist at UCLA tells TMZ Jackson died of cardiac arrest. Once at the hospital, the staff tried to resuscitate him but he was completely unresponsive."

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Photoshop All-Star Charged With Sexploitation
CNN | Submitted by: furpo
"A Tennessee man is facing charges of aggravated sexual exploitation of a minor for what authorities say are three pictures -- none of them featuring an actual child's body. Instead the photos feature the faces of three young girls placed on the nude bodies of adult females... "he wanted to see what they would look like as adults"... Two of the faces were of local girls; the third face appears to be Miley Cyrus."

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Find Some Other Pipes To Clog
WNEM-TV 5 Saginaw | Submitted by: gargoyle1
"More than a dozen Polaroid pictures of graphic child pornography was discovered by a cleaning company in the bathroom of a local park... The crew pulled about 15-30 pictures portraying sex acts between a middle-aged woman and a boy from a suction cleaning pump after the tool became clogged. "They were tied together with string." [With photo of toilet in question]

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Despite All The Amputations
BBC | Submitted by: LegolasPubes
"Hardline Islamists in Somalia have carried out double amputations on four men for stealing phones and guns. They have each had a hand and foot cut off after being convicted by a Sharia court in the capital earlier this week... "If they are caught red-handed in similar circumstances, they will face amputation."

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Eugenics Ploy: Hand Sanitizer Alcoholism Fears
UPI | Submitted by: Gorg
"The Canadian government delayed sending alcohol-based hand sanitizer to Indian reservations battling the H1N1 flu virus out of fears people would drink it... Reservations in Manitoba were hard hit by the virus first named swine flu. "We have had some rare experiences in our communities where we have had theft of hand sanitizers."

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Stab Wounds Exhibit Even Distribution
News Corporation | Submitted by: JabbaDaPubes
"Lesley Elliott broke into her daughter's, bedroom only to see her ex-boyfriend straddling her legs and stabbing her over and over again in complete silence. 'I thought he was going right through her'... Her daughter suffered stabs wound to almost every part of her body. Her ears, part of her nose, one nipple and one of her inner labia were cut off."

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Zambian President Suffers Micturation
London Telegraph | Submitted by: dirty des
"You have urinated on my jacket!" a startled Mr Banda told the monkey, looking up at a tree. "I will give this monkey for lunch to Mr Sata," he joked, referring to the opposition leader Michael Sata, who Mr Banda defeated in last year's elections."

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All Dressed Up, Nowhere To Go
Orange County Register | Submitted by: Lester Lipspray
"When police peered into the closed workout room early Tuesday, a man hid behind the gym equipment... Dressed in a miniskirt, stockings and heels, he was looking at pornography on a computer. The man was in the gym after hours and was acting suspiciously, sweating profusely and talking quickly. Officers searched his backpack and found marijuana, a marijuana pipe, methamphetamine and a glass meth pipe."

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Summer Vacation Blasts Off
Columbus Dispatch | Submitted by: Lester Lipspray
"In text messages, he lied to his children and ex-wife about what happened to Sloopy and Skeeter... A Columbus firefighter admits that he took his two dogs to the basement, tied them up and blasted them with a rifle so he and a girlfriend could vacation without paying to board the animals. Chunks of concrete were flying everywhere... In the courtroom, Santuomo raised a middle finger to the reporters assembled to cover his case."

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Nixon Considers The Jewish Question
New York Times | Submitted by: ferret
"The tapes also include a phone call from February 1973 between Nixon and the evangelist Billy Graham, during which Mr. Graham complained that Jewish-American leaders were opposing efforts to promote evangelical Christianity, like Campus Crusade. The two men agreed that the Jewish leaders risked setting off anti-Semitic sentiment. "It may be they have a death wish. You know that's been the problem with our Jewish friends for centuries."

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Wednesday June 24, 2009

Mensa Ties Spark Bumfight
San Francisco Chronicle | Submitted by: Chief Bum
"A homeless man is on trial on charges that he smacked a fellow transient in the face with a skateboard as the victim was engaged in a conversation about quantum physics... Keller joined in the conversation and, for reasons unknown, got upset, authorities said. He picked up his skateboard and hit Fava in the face with it, splitting his lip, prosecutors said."

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Plaintiff Charged In Acid Attack
Daily Mail | Submitted by: Pubesinnit.
"A furious litigant hurled hydrochloric acid over three lawyers after a High Court ruling went against him... He sprayed the acid at them "quite few times to make sure he got us. The liquid rained around us and was all up my right leg and over my right arm." Fumes filled the court, leaving staff struggling for breath and forcing the judge to flee.""

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Liberian Warlord Goes Commando
London Telegraph | Submitted by: anonymous
"A former warlord known as General Butt Naked has confessed to Liberia's post-conflict reconciliation commission that his men killed 20,000 people during the country's civil war... The nude gunmen became known for terrorising villagers and sacrificing children whose hearts they would eat before going into battle during Liberia's 14-year on-off civil war which ended in 2003."

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Duck Soup Made From Cranial Broth
London Telegraph | Submitted by: PubeWindsor
"Lin Zongxiu, from the southwestern province of Sichuan, heard in 2008 that soup made with a man’s head could help cure her daughter who had suffered from psychiatric problems for years... Lin and her husband decided to enlist the help of a man in December who knocked unconscious a drunk 76-year-old passer-by before beheading him. The couple then gave their 25-year-old daughter soup made from the man's head, and duck."

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Perplexing 16yo Retains Form of Toddler
ABC News | Submitted by: furpo
"In a recent paper for the journal "Mechanisms of Ageing and Development," Walker and his co-authors chronicled a baffling range of inconsistencies in Brooke's aging process. She still has baby teeth at 16, for instance. And her bone age is estimated to be more like 10 years old. Brooke's hair and her nails are the only two things that grow... "My system always has been to turn years into months," Greenberg said. "So, if someone asked today, I might say, she's 16 months old."

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US Military Drones Reach High Score
BBC | Submitted by: anonymous
Drone kills 43 at funeral for victims of US drones: "Three missiles were fired by drones as people were dispersing after offering funeral prayers for a militant commander... The US military does not routinely confirm drone attacks but the armed forces and the Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) operating in Afghanistan are believed to be the only forces capable of deploying drones in the region."

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Cash-Strapped Elderlies Kidnap Banker
Daily Mail | Submitted by: GerontoPubes
"A gang of wealthy pensioners kidnapped and tortured a financial adviser in Germany after he lost £2m of their savings during the financial crisis. "They bound me with masking tape until I looked like a mummy. It took them quite a while because they ran out of breath."... The Swiss bank telephoned police in Germany and an armed team of special SEK commandos was scrambled and the house was stormed in the early hours of Saturday morning."

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Stoned Wallabies Cause Poppy Crop Circles
News Corporation | Submitted by: tetheredgoat(se)
"The strange occurrence that was revealed in a State Government Budget Estimates hearing, has also solved what some growers say has spurred a campfire legend about mysterious crop circles that appear in northern Tasmania's poppy paddocks. The drugged out wallabies had been found hopping around in circles squashing the poppies, creating the formations... Tasmania is the world's largest producer of legally grown opium for the pharmaceutical market."

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Prehistoric Spaniards Cannibalized Young
London Telegraph | Submitted by: MunchyPubes
"A study of the prehistoric remains has revealed that human flesh formed part of the diet of early man and children and adolescents in particular were regularly killed and eaten... "They did not practice cannibalism through a lack of food," explained Dr de Castro. "They killed their rivals and used the meat. This gives us an idea of cannibalism as a type of gastronomy, and not as a ritual."

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Update: Starface Comes Clean About Tattoo
London Telegraph | Submitted by: Fuck Duder
"The 18-year-old has finally confessed she did not fall asleep, that she wanted all the stars and was "fully aware" of what Mr Toumaniantz was doing... Ms Vlaminck told a Dutch TV crew: "I asked for 56 stars and initially adored them. But when my father saw them, he was furious. So I said I fell asleep and the that the tattooist made a mistake."

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Dead Sea Coast Swallowing Tourists
Wire Services | Submitted by: UGGH
Exploitation of Israel's precious mineral resources has forced the Dead Sea to recede several kilometers over the last decade. Dried-up aquifers have left pockets in the soil, creating a coastal landscape of mud and sinkholes, which yawn open unexpectedly when disturbed by the tread of unwitting tourists.

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Secrets for Sale in Ghanan Charnel Pit
Canadian Broadcasting | Submitted by: Goby
It's essentially this charred toxic wasteland," Sifton recalled Tuesday. "The ground is just scorched absolutely everywhere. Everywhere you walk, there's shards of plastic and metal and glass protruding from the ground... There, UBC graduate students purchased a drive containing information related to contracts between the Pentagon, the Department of Homeland Security and the military contractor Northrop Grumman. The hard drive cost just $40. "We plugged them in and started reading files... They were just sitting there."

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Argentine Firecracker Lures Missing Governor
Washington Post | Submitted by: Fuck Duder
"Gov. Sanford should not have told staffers he was hiking the Appalachian Trail when he was actually in Argentina for seven days. His spokesman repeated the lie to reporters, leading to several days of confusion over his whereabouts... "First of all he's a Republican golden boy and he's a strict, staunch conservative. I'm so shocked. It was something I did not expect."

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Teenaged Hoarder Builds Bedroom Aviary
Longmont Times-Call | Submitted by: merrillvillain
"The nestlings were among 13 survivors of a group of 53 baby birds confiscated from a 15-year-old Longmont boy's bedroom on June 16... He and some other children in the neighborhood had been trying to feed them with little success. We believe he raided several nests in the neighborhood... The birds included an assortment of barn swallows and sparrows, along with a baby bluebird."

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