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Daily Rotten Archives
July 17, 2002
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Home invasion turns into cannibalism
Kiev Post | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"The victim was stabbed to death when she could not produce keys [to her house outside of Zhytomyr, Ukraine.] The wife of the alleged killer and two male friends later helped dismember the body and take some of the parts home, Nesterchuk said. The suspects allegedly ground up parts of the victim's body and ate them, even feeding some parts to a 4-year-old child, according to the Interfax news agency."

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Jamaican me so horny
Jaimaica Observer | Submitted by: Son of Benway
"Jamaicans are among black male prostitutes who are in demand in Thailand where their favours have become sought after by high-society women, according to a newspaper report. More than 100 black gigolos are now catering to Thailand's female elite who prefer them because they are 'fiercer', more 'thrilling' in bed than their Thai peers and 'well built'."

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Armed clowns raid wine bar
Wire Services | Submitted by: Aynz
This really is a bad day for clowns everywhere. "There is no doubt that anyone walking along the road at the time the robbers were heading into or out of the building would have spotted them, especially as they were dressed as clowns," according to a police statement.

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Clown assaults girl
Wire Services | Submitted by: Commie_Oranges
"The witness also claimed [Clown] Lundak pulled the girl toward him and placed her in a headlock. He then allegedly grabbed the spray can and threw it, striking the witness in the chest. The girl was crying after the incident."

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Tupperware snake wakes up angry
Minneapolis Star Tribune | Submitted by: ian m.
"Police froze the snake in its enclosure and then incinerated it. Anderson declined to be interviewed. Duluth police Sgt. Mike Olson said it's unclear how Anderson got the dangerous snake. 'When I talked to him, he claimed to have traveled to Egypt, watched it being born and brought it back in a Tupperware bowl... Someone else said [it] was a mail order snake.'"

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Must have been some good shit...
Seattle Post-Intelligencer | Submitted by: ian m.
"Police said the man called after returning home about midnight Sunday night and told officers his indoor pot-growing operation had been taken. "It's surprising what some people will report to police," Royal Canadian Mounted Police Constable Peter Lane said Monday. [This is not an uncommon phenomena, and not surprising considering the calibre of some lawbreakers.]

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A surefire way to an acquittal
Seattle Post-Intelligencer | Submitted by: ian m.
"The state Commission on Judicial Conduct censured Sunnyside Municipal Judge Steven Michels yesterday and recommended a 120-day suspension for serving as both judge and attorney in several cases... The commission found that Michels served as both judge and defense lawyer for clients in Toppenish Municipal Court, where he sometimes appears as a temporary judge."

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B-B-Q'd Kitten
South Florida Sun-Sentinel | Submitted by: --jr
"Authorities said the incident occurred July 12, when a group of people cheering and making meowing noises around an outdoor grill at an apartment complex caught the attention of a neighbor, who decided to investigate." Completely disgusting, even if you don't like cats.

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Mushroom hunters are highly annoying!
Gainesville Sun | Submitted by: anonymous
"People in search of a cheap mushroom high are trespassing on area fields and, in some cases, leaving behind broken fences, loose cattle and some angry farmers, authorities say. Alachua County Sheriff's Deputy Lee Johnson said he has been getting more complaints from owners who say trespassers are marching through their fields, looking for mushrooms. A derivative from the fleshy fungi can be used as a hallucinogenic."

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The post 9/11 crime wave
New Republic | Submitted by: Ann Onymous
"In the wake of September 11, homicide and violent crime have been increasing dramatically in virtually every major city in the United States. Police officials have been vague about the cause, blaming everything from a lagging economy to a changing urban demographic. But the pervasive factor seems to be this: As city police departments have been forced to turn their resources to fighting terror, they've been pulling protection off the inner city streets, leaving residents even more vulnerable to violent crime than before." How about pulling some cops off of the drug war and assigning them to patrol, huh?

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Pay your respects the fast & easy way
Tennessean | Submitted by: Dana
A Nashville Funeral Home now presents its grieving clientele a quick & easy way to pay respects to the dearly departed: just drive up to the viewing window! That's right folks, now you don't even have to get your lazy ass out of the car to say good bye (or good riddance) to the newly dead.

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Gaddafi show baffles the starving
Times | Submitted by: BuzNut
"Throwing fistfuls of cash from his open-top limousine to puzzled villagers lining the route, Colonel Muammar Gaddafi and his flamboyant roadshow rumbled into drought-stricken Malawi yesterday. Colonel Gaddafi never travels light. He showed up at the start of his African adventure with two Boeing 707s, his own personal jet and two transport aircraft, including a giant Antonov, as well as a ship full of goat carcasses."

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Pious protected from statue hung like a horse
Tiscali World Online | Submitted by: easy rider
"The statue by an internationally known Italian sculptor, Francesco Messina, greeted procession-goers in Catania with a bizarre steel 'nappy', hastily bolted over its otherwise prominent genitals by a mystery vandal."

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Changing seats can get you shot down
Boston Globe | Submitted by: fredbox
Passengers alarmed by note-passing and seat-changing aboard American Trans Air flight 204 notified flight attendants, who notified cockpit crew, who notified air traffic control, who notified NORAD, who notified two fully armed F-16s whose pilots had hopefully not had too much coffee that morning. Just a friendly reminder that your government is ready to save you at all times, even if they have to kill you to do it. (And by the way, the "suspicious" passengers were an Indian performange group, not Arabs.)

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Ancient boner, weird Shinto soccer
Mainichi Daily News | Submitted by: Dominus Bishop
"It's circumcised, weighs 350 kilograms, is made of wood at least 200 years old and is shaped exactly how the ideal penis should be," Kenshu Ikeda tells Spa!, referring to the 2-meter-long male member that is the showpiece of the Tagata Jinja Shrine in Komaki, Aichi Prefecture, where he acts as chief priest."

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Miss Teen Texas: public drunkenness
nbc5i.com | Submitted by: Michael in Houston
It appears the Bush daughters have become role models for Texas teens: "When the officer spoke with the [age 17, prizewinning] female, he noticed a strong odor of alcohol coming form her. And he asked her if she'd been drinking, and she did indicate that she had been drinking."

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Dead Englishman becomes Hindu God
Hindustan Times | Submitted by: Rev. Soror Lucy Cannon
A British officer killed at Lucknow in 1857 has become the target of offerings made for good luck in court and in love. "The fact that Englishmen are by and large known to have a great appetite for sex has done Wale's fast-growing reputation no harm." A reputation of which, as an American, I was unaware.

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Setting fire to friend
Centre Daily | Submitted by: JuTravler
"Brown and Beall, who pleaded guilty in April to recklessly endangering another person, said their friend told them he did not want his shoes set on fire. They said their friend told them to light his arm on fire."

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Our macaroni has NO ties to Mafia
CNN | Submitted by: Toots
"A group of farmers [in Corleone, made famous by the Godfather movies] dedicated to fighting the Mafia are now producing the pasta under the brand name "Libera Terra", "or free land", after setting up a co-operative to farm land seized by the Italian government from the Cosa Nostra's jailed "boss of bosses" Toto Riina."

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Exclusionary golf courses OK says Tiger Woods
New York Post | Submitted by: Gno Name
Woods began his career with Nike ads ridiculing the golf clubs he couldn't join or play because of his race, positioning himself as a great crusader against WASPy exclusionary policies. Now he says that rules about exluding women, blacks and Asians are "just the way it is."

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More fallout from black hat pimping speech
The Register | Submitted by: Soylent
"Even I was attacked merely for reporting what he'd said. Suffice it to say that Gweeds has managed to piss off a large number of scene denizens past and present, though I suspect this is connected to his apparently athletic promiscuity: he's tied for second in the hacker sex chart v. 9.28, with 27 links. No doubt he's 0wned the wrong bitch from time to time, steadily adding to his enemies list."

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