Daily Rotten Archives January 7, 2003 2001 | 2002 | 2003 | 2004 | 2005 | 2006 | 2007 | 2008 | 2009 Jesus no longer acceptable as your Anti-Drug Guardian | Submitted by: Jocelyn "Jesus was almost certainly a cannabis user and an early proponent of the medicinal properties of the drug, according to a study of scriptural texts published this month. The study suggests that Jesus and his disciples used the drug to carry out miraculous healings." Read article... Kids found In N.J. house of horrors CBS News | Submitted by: Jocelyn "Police and the FBI are hunting the exotic dancer in whose house a child was found dead and two others were kept beaten and starving. But others are searching to explain how child welfare officials missed signs that the children involved were suffering... The case of 7 year old Faheem Williams, found dead and stuffed in a storage bin, and his two abused brothers has focused attention on what child welfare experts say are notorious flaws in New Jersey's child protection system." Read article... Dum-Dum robs bank The Commercial Appeal | Submitted by: Poots Brownhole "The bank's security cameras showed the intruder got away with a clock radio, a compact disc player and a handful of Dum-Dum suckers, the hard candy on a stick that the bank gives to patrons' children. The next morning, police followed a trail of the candy wrappers down the street, across railroad tracks and to a mobile home park where Brown lives." Read article... Cops pull drunks out of bars, THEN arrest them World Net Daily | Submitted by: Dbag Police are hauling customers outside of establishments (where they are legally entitled to be) in order to conduct sobriety tests, then arrest them for public drunkenness should they fail. It is legal to be drunk inside of a private establishment. This allows police to cause the crime to occur, much as if an officer ordered you to drive 90 and then wrote you a ticket for it. Read article... Wheelchair desperado turns herself in Aftenposten | Submitted by: Dbag A suspected shoplifter who led store employees on a wild chase in her motorized wheelchair has turned herself in to police in western Norway. They later raided her home and seized illegal distilling gear and moonshine... she ran over a toddler while careening in her wheelchair down a pedestrian street. Read article... What about knob-gobbling and ass-fucking? Texas Triangle | Submitted by: SpanishJoe The school board of directors in the Texas town of Leander has banned the use of the words "oral" and "anal" in conjunction with the word "intercourse" in sex-ed classes. Teachers are encouraged to answer questions on the topic without using the words or describing the act. Luckily, I can think of about 50 synonyms right off the top of my head. Read article... Booze, porn invaluable to TV reporter Vancouver Sun | Submitted by: SeMeN SPeRmS "Throughout the Middle East, liquor and pornography are banned or extremely difficult to get, and therefore valuable. When MacDonald has to cross a border or a checkpoint, he's hoping that bored guards will take the whisky and porn at the top of the bag rather than the really important stuff such as a hand-held Global Positioning System, tent or sleeping bag." Read article... Gay fun 'n frolics in London City Hall This Is London | Submitted by: Tobermory How's this for a bi-partisan approach?: "Tory Brian Coleman and the Green Party's Darren Johnson, both members of the London Assembly and both openly gay, exchanged notes on fanciable (City Hall colleagues) via email... Their list of five male staff was discovered by accident by an aide. The two politicians are said to be very embarrassed that news of the incident has leaked out. Mr Johnson said: 'It was just a private exchange between myself and Brian. It was all just a bit of a joke.'" Or as the Equal Opportunities Commission puts it: "For men who draw up lists of the fittest men, the legal position is cloudy..." Read article... Yes Virginia, there is a Santa Claus Fresno Bee | Submitted by: Gym w/a/J Imagine this. You are out doing a little Christmas shopping, you have just spent your last dollar on some worthless junk for little Johnny. You are walking to your car and right in the middle of the road you find a canvas bag with $100,000 in wrapped 20's. The armored car company wants the money back. Do they believe in the tooth fairy? Read article... Jesus Christ returned to rightful owner Cincinnati Enquirer | Submitted by: Incubus "The Christ child figurine stolen December 28 from a 54 year old Nativity set shortly after Christmas was returned Saturday to funeral home director Paul R. Young Sr. Police say the figurine and a $100 security system were stolen from the Nativity set outside Mr. Young's funeral home, 7345 Hamilton Ave. The set includes live donkeys and sheep, as well as several other figurines that Mr. Young made of wax, glass eyes and real hair. Ms. Williams told investigators that all they wanted to do was commit a practical joke. Sgt. Jeff Armontrout said Ms. Williams told him they were going to keep the figurine a short time, then box it up and send it back. It was recovered at her apartment." Read article... Shoot first, ask questions later Anchorage Daily News | Submitted by: Incubus "The man who was shot and killed by a state trooper Saturday outside of Soldotna, Alaska, was so disabled that he couldn't have responded quickly to a trooper's demand that he get out of his car, his uncle, Brando Wik of Nikiski, said Sunday. "If they would have given Casey time, I'm sure he could have" gotten out, Wik said. "His right leg was spastic. It would just shake real hard." Read article... Another reality TV blunder Wire Services | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga Guy Richie is producing a stupid new reality show in which people are tricked into breaking the law on camera (yesterday's entrapment is today's entertainment), but somehow things went (more) wrong, and his cameraman was stabbed by a would-be car thief. Even better, the article's title refers to Richie only as "Madonna's Husband". Read article... Town saves swan from swan song Atlanta Journal-Constitution | Submitted by: Incubus "The swan, the unofficial mascot of Mountain Park, Georgia, was close to buying the farm this week when a fishhook lodged in his long throat, leaving a fishing bobber hanging from his bill. Efforts to trap the swan had failed. Buzzards were circling. Saturday, members of the 500-resident north Fulton County community gathered at Lake Cherful to try to rescue the beloved bird. Romeo finally was cornered under McLendon's dock, captured and placed in a cage built especially for his treatment. A hook and 18 inches of fishing line were pulled from the bird's throat." Read article... The Auschwitz of animal control Atlanta Journal-Constitution | Submitted by: Incubus "Fulton County Animal Control, the agency that collects strays, impounded 13,102 animals in 2001 and euthanized 10,761. That statistic, a [whopping] *82* percent kill rate, makes the government shelter the most lethal for lost or unwanted pets among the four most populous counties in metro Atlanta. Animal rescue groups have long wanted new management, and they might get their wish this year. County officials, weary of the ongoing criticism, are planning to rewrite the contract, and will soon be seeking others who might be interested in running the shelter." And who runs this "shelter"? Atlanta Humane Society. Read article... Deadly laundry kills toddler The Hawaii Channel | Submitted by: Incubus "A 21 month old boy was killed when a loaded gun accidentally went off in a Detroit home this weekend. Damon Quarker tipped over a basket of clothes Saturday night and a loaded gun fell out and went off, shooting him in the heart, WDIV-TV in Detroit reported. Emergency crews were called to the home on Lakepointe Street and the child was transported to St. John Hospital where he was pronounced dead." What setting did they use to wash the gun? Read article... Racial profiling still alive and well Boston Globe | Submitted by: Incubus In a recent study of the painfully obvious, the Boston Globe is reporting that "when a police officer in Massachusetts pulls over a car and writes a routine traffic ticket, the officer is far more likely to search the car of a black or Hispanic driver than that of a white driver. Nearly two years after the state began collecting information on traffic citations to measure possible racial profiling by police, a Boston Globe analysis of more than 750,000 tickets, from every police department in the state, shows a wide racial disparity in traffic tickets and vehicle searches. Statewide, black and Hispanic drivers received traffic tickets at a rate twice their share of the population. Once ticketed, they were 50 percent more likely than whites to have their cars searched, a disparity affecting 1,040 blacks and Hispanics in the 20 months studied." Read article... The Constitution in Bush's Brave New World Los Angeles Times | Submitted by: powderkegz "Last week, a three-judge panel added another notch to the president's victory column by ruling that government agents could shut down a U.S.-based Islamic charity and then refuse to give any evidence to defense lawyers, or the public, of the group's alleged links to international terrorists. Maybe Global Relief does aid terrorists. Maybe it doesn't, as the organization's lawyers insist. But by letting the government keep secret its evidence, the judges have rendered worthless the group's constitutional due process rights, including the right to contest these allegations. "If there is evidence," the charity's lawyer said, "it's evidence I've never seen."' Read article... Man surfs Internet while son drowns Atlanta Journal-Constitution | Submitted by: Incubus "A man who was surfing the Internet while his 13 month old son drowned in the bathtub was sentenced to a year in jail Monday. Tyler Bratsch, 25, pleaded guilty last month to manslaughter. He admitted visiting pornographic, sports and music sites and checking e-mail while his son, Logan, was in the tub. Judge Don Spilseth also fined Bratsch $1,000 and ordered him to perform 1,000 hours community service and write a letter of apology to the emergency and hospital workers who tried to save Logan." Read article... Bush vs. The Constitution, Round 2 Village Voice | Submitted by: powderkegz "The Supreme Court will ultimately decide whether George W. Bush's Constitution will replace, in significant parts, the Constitution that most Americans are also not familiar with. When Mr. Hamdi's case, though not Mr. Hamdi personally, came before federal judge Robert Doumar in Norfolk, Virginia, that veteran jurist, appointed by Ronald Reagan, was astonished at the sweep of the government's declaration that the president had the right to personally put Hamdi in the brig and strip him of all his constitutional rights after claiming that he was an "enemy combatant." Read article... Photos of Joe Millionaire in fruity underwear The Smoking Gun | Submitted by: anonymous And this is the eligible bachelor (allegedly worth $50M, which is total utter bullshit) all those biatches are chasing after on that stupid FOX tv show? Check out the second photo. An outfit painted on so smoothly you can have a discussion about whether he's circumcized or not. Read article... Philippine KGB version of Disneyland? Wire Services | Submitted by: Sassy "The Philippine police has enhanced security in shopping malls and other public places to counter the threats of terrorist attacks or bombings this holiday season. Selected police officers were tasked to wear mascot costumes as they patrol the shopping malls in the capital to make their presence less obtrusive and more friendly." Read article... Woman jumping on bed falls from 2nd story window Orange County Register | Submitted by: Yesopenilno "A 30 year old woman was fighting for her life Sunday after a freak accident in which she fell from a second-story window while playing trampoline on a bed, police said." Read article... Not all Canadian pigfarmers use human remains Wire Services | Submitted by: jo666py It's a rough enough job without this... note the subtlety of the suggestion of feeding the mass murder victims to the pigs: "Robert Pickton never registered as a pig farmer with BC Pork. In fact, he had more sheep on his property than he had pigs!" the group said in a statement released on Monday... Police have never said if pigs were used to dispose of the bodies, but the pork producers complain that news reports are still giving their product a bad name." Read article... Would you prefer hanging or non-hanging? Straits Times | Submitted by: Servile crew "A Club Class passenger aboard a British Airways jumbo jet calmly enjoyed a meal of roast beef and potatoes, drank two glasses of champagne and then hanged himself as the aircraft cruised at 35,000 feet." Read article... Thats what ya get fer votin' democrat Freedom Forum | Submitted by: wingnut The Federal Energy Regulatory Commission has removed a document from its Web site that revealed officials found foot-wide gaps in a portion of the aging Milltown Dam upstream from [where the submitter is located.] Missoula County commissioners, however, were upset that they were never told about the problem. Our downtown is five miles downstream from this dam, and we are in fact threatened by this structure. The citizens of Missoula have a concern for their public health, safety and welfare, and we are having information withheld from us. Read article... Answering machine terror freakout Wire Services | Submitted by: Cavanoskus Authorities in a Copenhagen suburb were alerted to a hostage situation. Some concerned citizens had called to report that a friend's answering machine message stated that the family was being held hostage with two children. The police were called in to deal with the situation...which turned out to be a false alarm. It seems that the infamous answering machine had stated, "We have been taken hostage BY two children," in a lighthearted jest about the trial and tribulations of family life. Oops. This is why I hate people who don't pay attention. Read article...