Daily Rotten Archives January 16, 2003 2001 | 2002 | 2003 | 2004 | 2005 | 2006 | 2007 | 2008 | 2009 San Francisco penguins gone apeshit Number-6 | Submitted by: Soylent "Brainwashed by six newcomers from Ohio, 46 penguins at the San Francisco Zoo have abandoned their burrows and embarked on a great migration, except their pool is not exactly the coast of South America and there's really nowhere for them to go... "We've lost complete control," said Jane Tollini, their mystified keeper. "It's a free-for-all in here. After 18 years of doing this job, these birds are making mincemeat of me." Read article... Six penguins bashed to death AAP | Submitted by: Roberto "Vandals are believed to be responsible for the bashing deaths of six fairy penguins at a colony in Victoria's south-west... The Department of Primary Industries (DPI) is investigating the deaths of the penguins on Middle Island in Warrnambool last weekend." Read article... School spirit to the very end Fox News | Submitted by: Dicemaker "John Shannon, who sells University of Kentucky caskets at Shannon Funeral Service in Shelbyville, Ky., attributes their popularity to a recent movement to personalize people's final resting place... "Sometimes caskets will also include the person's hobbies to show this is what Mom or Dad was about," he said, adding that personalization brings a unique response from mourners." Read article... Top Ten Conspiracy Theories of 2002 AlterNet | Submitted by: I.P. TeAitchsee "Following are the ten most alarming theories about September 11, the "war on terror," and the future of the world. Feel free to accept them as gospel, study them as symptoms of a traumatized culture, or scoff at them as anti-American propaganda: I'm only the messenger. Personally, though, at this point the only person I hold above suspicion in the matter of September 11 is that poor kid with the goat." Read article... North Korean shoe makers vs. the U.S. Wire Services | Submitted by: SmackMaster "A poster depicting missiles hitting the U.S. Capitol building hangs on a wall of a shoe factory in Sinuiju, North Korea, in this Sept. 25, 2002 file photo. The isolated regime's bellicose rhetoric reached a new pitch in the past week, when North Korea escalated its nuclear standoff with Washington, warning of a Third World War, a sea of fire and a holy war against the United States." Read article... Stripper denied boob job deduction Tiscali World Online | Submitted by: Abba-cup "A Swedish stripper has discovered that taxes can't be deflated by inflating your chest: she has lost a three-year legal battle to deduct the cost of her breast implants from her income tax... The woman claimed the "size and shape" of her breasts were crucial to her income as a stripper." Read article... Ghost ship mystery deepens CNN Europe | Submitted by: vari "The riddle of an Indonesian registered, Taiwan owned trawler carrying several tons of rotting fish, seven toothbrushes, but no crew is baffling Australian police... police say that despite an extensive search there is no sign of the ship's crew, or any indication of what might have happened to them." Read article... Board sensitivity for higger bigger hoe potatoers Topeka Capital-Journal | Submitted by: Trickcoyote Oh yes Toto, we're still in Kansas: "A 102-year-old Hutchinson High School chant made up of apparent nonsense words was yanked after the school board deemed it potentially offensive... The school board voted unanimously Monday night to do away with the chant after Superintendent Wynona Winn said that at least one phrase, hoe potatoer, could be considered offensive." Read article... In Soviet Russia, children flame YOU Pravda | Submitted by: joFFeman A nine year old child, Igor Nogovitsin, has been reported to have the ability to project balls of fire from his eyes. Firefighters sent in to fight the blazes Igor has caused have witnessed the 'Fireball-Shooting' phenonmenon as well. A local politician says "there are red balls in his eyes and in the head, the balls spring out and set everything on fire." Isn't the Antichrist supposed to be an American national? Read article... Security raid hotel looking for pilfered beer The Gazette | Submitted by: Rufferto "Air Canada pilots and flight attendants are shocked by a recent incident in which the airline's corporate security investigators flew to Paris and searched the hotel rooms of flight crew workers, sifting through wastebaskets to find cans of beer alleged to have been pilfered from planes. They searched the rooms and took photos of the contents of garbage cans." Read article... Prez declares Sanctity of Human Life Day Wire Services | Submitted by: jo666py Pledging to build a culture that respects life, President Bush is declaring a National Sanctity of Human Life Day... "Every child is a priority and a blessing and I believe that all should be welcomed in life and protected by law. Through ethical policies and the compassion of Americas, we will continue to build a culture that respects life." Meanwhile, preparations continue to bomb Iraq. Read article... Drunken wildlife on rampage in Sweden Wire Services | Submitted by: jo666py "Thousands of drunks are smashing into windows at Karlstad University, but it isn't students blowing off steam. Instead, birds feasting on fermented berries are getting drunk and playing chicken with the glass. Thousands of waxwings began gathering in the trees outside the university late last week to feast on ripening rowanberries. The birds haven't learned to say when." This behavior has also been observed in the U.S., and other places, and it often gives birds the shits. Read article... Adult store offers gay clergy discount Minneapolis Star Tribune | Submitted by: JOPY - 666 "An adult entertainment store's sign offering a clergy discount has drawn the wrath of its churchgoing neighbors. The double-sided sign stands outside Pure Pleasure so those who attend Midwest Baptist Church next door see the ads going into, and leaving, the church. To people driving toward the church, the sign reads: And God said go out into the world and have great sex. God's gift to women. Amen and amen. People leaving the church see: No need to mail order. Gay videos in stock. Clergy discount. Have good sex. Hallelujah!. Read article... Man jailed for faking dog's death WKMG-TV 6 Orlando | Submitted by: Rio "A man is going to jail for faking his dog's death. Prosecutors say Jan Motyl-Szary owned a yellow Labrador that was ordered to be euthanized after two separate attacks on young children in Northboro, Mass. But before that could happen, Motyl-Szary swore in an affidavit that his dog had been struck and killed by a truck. Authorities say he then moved to another town and changed the dog's name from Chewy to Scooby-Doo. The animal's true identity was discovered after it attacked another child." Read article... Pete Townshend's child porn research paper The Smoking Gun | Submitted by: T to the J Yeah, Pete, this weak 2002 treatise explains your recent controversy: "Townshend, 57, wrote that he accidentally discovered a photo of a two-year-old boy being raped when he typed the words "Russia," "orphanages," and "boys" into a search engine. Townshend claimed that he reached for his telephone and "intended to call the police and take them through the process I had stumbled upon, and bring the pornographers involved to [jail]," but that he decided not to contact authorities after discussing the issue with an attorney." Read article... Man beheaded by guillotine BBC | Submitted by: Lydia "A man is believed to have beheaded himself using a home made guillotine attached to an electrical timing device. It is believed he had built a mechanism to set it off at 0330 GMT... "There are no suspicious circumstances and a file is being prepared for the coroner." A home made guillotine set by remote control is not suspicious circumstance. Read article... Scientists create super amino acid life form Environmental News Service | Submitted by: Crazy Quagga Scientists have created a totally UN-natural organism that produces 21 ammino acids instead of 20. "The project is designed to help answer some of the basic questions regarding the evolution of life, such as why organisms have not evolved more than 20 of these basic chemical building blocks." Includes photo inset of one of the scientists, who looks like he could use some extra amino acids. Read article... Driver banned from driving for next milennium News Corporation | Submitted by: The Good Doctor "A serial traffic offender was yesterday banned for almost 1000 years in a case described as "ridiculous" by the magistrate. Raymond George Morgan, 24, has faced Redfern Local Court for the offence of driving while disqualified no less than 30 times." Read article... Thieves steal entire fish hatchery Mainichi Daily News | Submitted by: The Good Doctor "Something fishy is afoot in Shiga Prefecture: an unknown thief has stolen nearly all the inhabitants of a fishing farm for anglers, police said. About 5,000 crucian carp weighing about 5 tons and valued at some 5 million yen, as well as roughly 50 decorative carp, were trawled up from the fishing farm and whisked away, probably some time last weekend. "I've heard of hatcheries being raided before, but I've never heard of so many fish being stolen at the same time," a police officer said." Read article... Mob Boss ratted out by 4 year old daughter Philadelphia Inquirer | Submitted by: The Good Doctor "The narcotics agent who found Billy Rinick hiding in his underwear beneath a bed in mob boss Joey Merlino's house said Merlino's 4 year old daughter gave Rinick up. Where's Billy? state investigator Michael W. McIlmail said he whispered conspiratorially when he saw Sophia Merlino sitting on her mother's bed in the master bedroom. Billy's hiding in there, he said the girl replied innocently, pointing to a bedroom across the hall." Guess who will be sleeping with the fishes. Read article... Virginia Judges can't suck dick Daily Press | Submitted by: Disposable Rob "A key Virginia lawmaker said Tuesday that engaging in anal or oral sex might disqualify a person from being a judge because both activities violate state law... Virginia's "crimes against nature" law bans all oral and anal sex regardless of the gender of the parties involved. It has been criticized as an antiquated statute that intrudes into private lives and that is likely to be used only against gay people. Repeated attempts to repeal the law have failed." Read article... Cocaine suspended in rum cream Jamaica Gleaner | Submitted by: Alter Ego "The drug was suspended in solution and hidden in 12 bottles of rum cream liqueur, according to a report from HMCE... Customs officers made the find while examining luggage of passengers coming off the flight from Kingston, Jamaica on Saturday. They estimate that the bottles contained between one and two kilos of cocaine." We call that a nightcap. Read article... Pyromanic Spiderman splattered ABC TV affiliates | Submitted by: StinkBaby "By the time the SWAT team arrived on the 25th floor, Rogers had set the apartment on fire and jumped to the balcony below, Gaittens said. The team of about 10 officers then went to the 24th floor, but could not enter because Rogers had set it on fire as well, he said. The team moved to the 23rd floor to try and catch Rogers as he dropped to another balcony. When Gaittens entered the empty apartment with six other officers, they saw Rogers hanging off the balcony with one arm hung over the railing and one elbow propping him up." Read article... U.S. surgeons leave tools in 1,500 patients a year Boston Herald | Submitted by: Angus Beef "Surgical teams accidentally leave clamps, sponges and other tools inside about 1,500 patients nationwide each year, according to the biggest study of the problem yet... It also happens more often to fat patients, simply because there is more room inside them to lose equipment." Read article... When burning a rapist once isn't enough Wire Services | Submitted by: The Lone Gunman "An enraged mob killed a suspected child rapist, dragging him from a rural jail and then from a hospital where he had been taken by police, twice dousing him with gasoline and setting him on fire. Television news programs broadcast footage of the grisly attack by about 1,000 residents of Cayambe, a highland village 30 miles north of the capital, Quito, which was videotaped by townspeople." Read article... Conmen turn tables on casino Sydney Morning Herald | Submitted by: Travis Scobie "A gang of conmen has won hundreds of thousands of dollars from an Austrian casino by planting a remote controlled magnetic roulette ball on a table. Police said the five-strong gang used a concealed device near the table, possibly hidden in a watch, to create an electromagnetic field and manipulate where the ball went to within three spaces... They did not win on every spin, but improved the odds sufficiently to pick up about $AU685,000 over several weeks of regular visits to a Casinos Austria gambling house in Velden, Carinthia." Read article... Yet another UFO story San Francisco Chronicle | Submitted by: BJ the Duck "Few pilots in those days dared say they saw one. That unidentified flying objects were unmentionable was all but national policy... The CIA guy says, 'OK, you're all sworn to secrecy. This event never happened, we were never here, and we're confiscating all the data,' " Callahan said. He said he asked the agent what he thought the pilot saw. "It's a UFO. We can't tell the American public we're being visited by UFOs. It would scare the hell of out 'em.'" Read article... Pot is nerve gas antidote Village Voice | Submitted by: Schleven "Green Leaf cites research conducted by the U.S. Army and the Israel-based Pharmos Corporation. Rats were exposed to nerve gas and then injected with dexanabinol, a synthetic substitute for hashish. The army tests reportedly showed that the injection reduced brain damage by more than 70 percent." Read article... It's official: America's gone Insane Times | Submitted by: Zeitgeist "America has entered one of its periods of historical madness, but this is the worst I can remember: worse than McCarthyism, worse than the Bay of Pigs and in the long term potentially more disastrous than the Vietnam War... The reaction to 9/11 is beyond anything Osama bin Laden could have hoped for in his nastiest dreams. As in McCarthy times, the freedoms that have made America the envy of the world are being systematically eroded." Read article... Finishing with one in each nipple Wire Services | Submitted by: Tanya Hunter "With speed-metal music on his headphones and a picture of his deceased mother beside him, a 34-year-old Canadian has pinned down the world record for body piercing... "I'm pretty happy. I would've liked to do 1,000, but now that I'm done, I realize 700 is a helluva lot. And right now it looks like I've been in a car accident... There's quite a lot of blood." Read article...