Daily Rotten Archives February 20, 2009 2001 | 2002 | 2003 | 2004 | 2005 | 2006 | 2007 | 2008 | 2009 Owner Was Chimp's Common Law Wife Fox News | Submitted by: BlackDevilsMother "Travis the chimpanzee's relationship with his owner was closer than those of some married couples. Sandra Herold gave him the finest food, and wine in long-stemmed glasses. They took baths together and cuddled in the bed they shared. Travis brushed the lonely widow's hair each night and pined for her when she was away." Read article... Comments (844) Nothing Shows Trust Like Ballcupping Mirror | Submitted by: Kitty "Brave Alex Larenty proves he really is a game warden -- as he grabs a lion by his, er, pride. British-born Alex, 50, took a firm grip on Jamu at a reserve near Johannesburg to show another keeper just how much the huge beast likes him." Read article... Comments (37) Police Scofflaws in the Handicap Space Boston Globe | Submitted by: anonymous "One repeat scofflaw: the driver of a Toyota Corolla registered to Irene Landry, the city's supervisor of Parking Enforcement, who oversees the 194 parking enforcement officers who write 1.3 million tickets a year... Within five minutes of [a reporter's call to police], her son Anthony, a police dispatcher, and three other police officials hastened out of Police Headquarters in shirtsleeves, got into their illegally parked cars, and drove away." Read article... Comments (28) Cheney Furious at Lack of Libby Pardon New York Daily News | Submitted by: T.Hehumanrace "In multiple conversations, both in person and over the telephone, Cheney tried to get Bush to change his mind. Libby was convicted of perjury and obstruction of justice in the federal probe of who leaked covert CIA operative Valerie Plame's identity to the press... Several sources confirmed Cheney refused to take no for an answer. He went to the mat and came back and back and back at Bush, a Cheney defender said. He was still trying the day before Obama was sworn in." Read article... Comments (27) Snake Charmers Protest Live Cobra Ban BBC | Submitted by: Waste 'Em All—God'll Sort 'Em Out "Some 1,000 snake charmers have staged a rally in eastern India, protesting against a law that has made their profession illegal. Playing their flutes, they marched in the city of Calcutta, demanding the right to perform with live snakes. Snake charmers say the ban threatens the survival of their way of life." Read article... Comments (17) Second Penectomy Seattle Times | Submitted by: Francis Hedge "A convicted murderer at the Washington state prison complex in Monroe was hospitalized after his second attempt to cut off his penis. A spokeswoman for the Monroe Correctional Complex, Cathy Kopoian, says the 49-year-old inmate has a history of mental illness and already had amputated much of his genitals several years ago." Read article... Comments (21) Man Suicides During Suicide Prevention Tour CBS News | Submitted by: Col. Tibbets "I had just finished telling them about our intervention hotline that we have, suicide prevention on the fifth floor, and all of a sudden I heard this pop, a loud pop, it almost sounded like a firecracker... Seven or eight tourists were inside the cathedral and witnessed the shooting, Ortiz said." Read article... Comments (19) Police Spokesman Masturbated for Backpackers News Corporation | Submitted by: PistolPackin'Pubes "A former high-profile police and emergency services spokesman who received official honours for his work has admitted masturbating in front of two male backpackers. Kevin John Loomes, 58, pleaded guilty the Brisbane Magistrates Court today to two counts of performing an indecent act." Read article... Comments (16) Prawo Jazdy Still on the Lam BBC | Submitted by: O'Pubes "It was discovered that the man every member of the Irish police's rank and file had been looking for -- a Mr. Prawo Jazdy -- wasn't exactly the sort of prized villain whose apprehension leads to an officer winning an award... Prawo Jazdy is actually the Polish for driving licence and not the first and surname on the licence, read a letter from June 2007 from an officer working within the Garda's traffic division." Read article... Comments (18) State Sen. Buttars Has A Way With Words Salt Lake Tribune | Submitted by: Satan, enjoying his birthday car-cake "He called the gay-rights movement probably the greatest threat to America, likened gay activists to Muslim radicals and dubbed same-sex relationships abominations... Last year, the NAACP called for Buttars to resign after comments he made on the Senate floor about a complex school-funding bill, saying, This baby is black... It's a dark, ugly thing." Read article... Comments (25) Hair Weave Stops Bullet NBC Action News | Submitted by: Meekrat "Briana Bonds was complaining of a headache Thursday, but police say her tightly-woven hair weave kept it from being much worse... I now believe the weave paused the bullet, and didn't let it go any further. Really I think God was in my passenger seat. He protected me." Read article... Comments (32) Swiss Banking Secrecy Kaput New York Times | Submitted by: azdollarbill "UBS, the largest bank in Switzerland, agreed on Wednesday to divulge the names of well-heeled Americans whom the authorities suspect of using offshore accounts at the bank to evade taxes. The bank admitted conspiring to defraud the Internal Revenue Service and agreed to pay $780 million to settle a sweeping federal investigation into its activities." Read article... Comments (39) Blacks Torching Guadeloupe Daily Mail | Submitted by: WhiteRiotPubes "Protesters were now targeting all white people, with the media in mainland France describing the situation as virtual civil war... Guadeloupe is a French overseas department ruled directly from Paris, and authorities in France have sent 300 extra riot police to the island in a bid to quell the violence. Meanwhile, hundreds of protesters are roaming the streets of the capital Point-a-Pitre [yes that is a real city name], looting shops and restaurants, burning cars and vandalising public buildings." Read article... Comments (48) Officers Find Legendary Panty Motherlode Sun | Submitted by: Sandy "A thief has been caught with more than 1,600 items of women's lingerie hidden in the home he shared with his parents... Cops said Takao Sudo, 43, was arrested after he allegedly stole four pairs of underwear drying outside an apartment in Utsunomiya City, Japan. Officers then searched his home and found around 1,600 bras and knickers in his room along with shoes and maid outfits stashed in bags and a suitcase." Read article... Comments (20) Geosychronous Pinball in LEO Wire Services | Submitted by: lord asshole "Nicholas L. Johnson, NASA's chief scientist for orbital debris, said about 19,000 objects are present in the low and high orbit around the Earth — including about 900 satellites, but much of it is just plain junk... He estimated that included in the 19,000 count are about a thousand objects larger than 10 centimeters that were created by last week's satellite collision, in addition to many smaller ones. He predicted that if more junk accumulates, the likelihood of similar collisions -- currently very rare -- will increase by 2050." Read article... Comments (18) This Month's Winner! Treasure Coast Newspapers | Submitted by: anonymous "The 50-year-old driver had a beer can on top of his pick-up truck and was drinking a cold Natural Ice when the St. Lucie County Sheriff's Deputy approached... The situation for Johnnie Ed Roberts, who had bloodshot eyes and incoherent speech, likely did not improve late Wednesday when investigators noticed he'd urinated on himself while they spoke to him on North 27th Street." Read article... Comments (25) US Navy Warns of Robot Rebellion Fox News | Submitted by: Waste 'Em All—God'll Sort 'Em Out "Autonomous military robots fighting future wars must be programmed to live by a strict warrior code, or the world risks untold atrocities at their steely hands. This stark warning -- which includes discussion of a Terminator-style scenario in which robots turn on their human masters—is part of a hefty report funded by and prepared for the US Navy's high-tech and secretive Office of Naval Research. The report notes that robots could come to display significant cognitive advantages over human soldiers." Read article... Comments (62)